


He, She, Them

by MacGirl



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, My First Fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 07:24:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14303733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacGirl/pseuds/MacGirl
Summary: Ten years after the Olympics, Scott finally gets things right.





	He, She, Them

Note: I have been inspired by our favorite skaters and the amazing writing of so many of you (looking at you illstrash and pumpkinpasties!). I had to wait a ridiculous long time for an account to post this story, so the story took a few detours and different avenues. It is also way longer than I originally intended!

I think we all have a shared collective unconscious concerning these two people at this point. I hope I haven’t plagiarized anyone! Anyway… hope you enjoy.

Oh yeah... obviously, I am just a fan with an imagination. I have no relationship to any of these individuals.

 

Looking at the tousled brunette hair sweeping across his pillow, Scott couldn’t resist the urge to rub a few strands between his fingers as her eyes closed in a state of euphoric bliss. His lips curled into a smirk that reeked of confidence and satisfaction of a man recently fucked hard. He’s nearly hypnotized as she unconsciously rubs the newly cemented diamond engagement ring (Tiffany’s, of course) which had been deposited on her left hand only a few hours ago. His eyes soften as she starts to drift to sleep with a small smile curving her lips, and he imagines that she is replaying his proposal as she gives into dreams. He tries to slow his breathing to match hers, but he is too busy fighting the tidal waves of panic suddenly rising in his abdomen.

Scott Moir was a serial monogamist. Committed relationships were his thing, but he had never reached this level of commitment. Engagement?! He thought he might throw up or have a stroke based on his current blood pressure, but he closed his eyes and reminded himself of the woman cuddled into his side. This is right. This is how it ends. This is how it begins. It has been a long time coming…

Ten years. A fucking decade had passed since he skated to or thought of that song. Their final exhibition number at the Olympics was always difficult to think about, but tonight it cut especially deep. The nausea almost gave way to a low chuckle at the irony, but he couldn’t disturb her peaceful dreams. Why the fuck did it take him so long to get here? But he knew the answer, and he knew their past will always be a part of his present. He turned his head to look at the ceiling, and he wished that he could make the past ten years disappear… to be back on the ice at the Olympics to start over, to reclaim that lost time… The things he would change, the things he would do differently to avoid the places they had to wander before ending up here. How the fuck did he end up at 40? Why did he have to think of that fucking song? He couldn’t go back to those dark days following the Olympics. He couldn’t do that to himself, to her, or his family.

Doubt was starting to gurgle inside him again, and he knew he had to extinguish these thoughts to avoid another disastrous decade of regret. He was the king of self-inflicted wounds, and he knew that the past issues, the past mistakes, were squarely his cross to bear. The past decade of misery, longing, just being lost was on him, and he was going to make sure not to fuck up again. Not now. Not after she just said yes. 

Nostalgia washed over him like a warm bath, and he closed his eyes as the chords began to play in his mind. He shook his head to dislodge the music - almost as if he had water in his ear. He thought back to their old training days, and the endless hours of therapy. What were those cognitive approaches that Dr. What’s-Her-Name had described? He could make a list… a list of all the things he loved about her. He smiled broadly at his idea, and he knew that this would help to get him out of his depressive funk and to focus on the most important person in his life. He needed to be in the present moment, and he couldn’t think back to their last Canadian tour or any of the disastrous hedonistic months that followed if he wanted to enjoy the peace he reclaimed with her.

1st: He loved that she is determined. It reminded him of all the great women in his life who fought for everything they had. He loved that her determination knew no bounds, and nothing would stand in her way when she became fixated on a task. Even something as simple as roasting a turkey (she bought two just in case). His eyes crinkled as he remembered the meal prep for her first official Christmas with him, and the countless Youtube videos she watched, or the dozen magazines she bought to help cover any issues for weeks before the big meal. His memory is so vivid he can almost smell the smoked remains, and feel her angry, embarrassed tears underneath his thumb again, when the second turkey was even more inedible than the first. He wasn’t even surprised when he came home the next day, and found seven more turkeys crowding out all the other items in the fridge. She was determined to prove to herself and the world she could cook a fucking turkey. Unfortunately, it took her all seven attempts and one painful bought of food poison before she could check that item off her list of accomplishments. 

Scott rolls his eyes and scoffs at himself for this memory jumping to mind before any of her other accomplishments. Even now, his heart swells with pride as he remembers her crossing the stage to finally claim her well deserved and long delayed college degree. That evening was the first time she said, “I love you,” as he twirled her in her cap and gown in front of family and friends. For weeks, he wished he had said something besides a whispered, “I know,” followed by a kiss to her temple. She tried to play it off as a Star Wars reference, but he knew she was secretly crushed and embarrassed. 

2nd: He loved that she is loyal, and not just to him. Once that bond, that connection was made, she would never be the one to sever the tie even if it was a fucking suffocating noose around her neck. She would sacrifice herself for him every. fucking. time. Initially he felt guilt, then anger, and then (he hates to admit it) he just pitied her loyalty to him. “Why the fuck won’t you just leave, like I deserve to be left?!” He yelled this on more than one occasion, and he tried to push her off the Scott Moir cliff to free her from his toxicity… but she stayed every time. Why?

Those early days of officially being together were a blend of emotional manipulation and unhealthy codependency that Scott can still barely recall without feeling ashamed. Those days were a blur of his sadistic comments and acts, and her masochistic acceptance of every transgression and betrayal. He left her several times in disgust, her pathetic acceptance of his behavior making him initially lose all respect for her. However, almost immediately the tables would turn, and he was disgusted with himself for treating her unconditional love with scorn. He would quickly return on his hands and knees, begging with tears and fresh promises. He would press her lips to his with a solemn and desperate vow to be better, and to be the man she deserved… until the next pseudo crisis pushed him over the edge into self loathing, and the pattern would reemerge again and again. Why did she stay with him for so many years? Did she know this night was coming before he did?

Without opening her eyes, she shifted in bed to nuzzle the space where his neck and chest meet. He gently wrapped his arms around her, and repositioned himself to kiss the top of her hair. He was able to inhale her shampoo, and the sweet summer smell of strawberries made his eyes close and his throat tighten from the onslaught of so many memories of their past interviews, games, and shared showers. Swallowing twice, Scott thought he could choke back his arousal and push away his memories of them from across the decades. He shifted his face away from her hair, away from her scent. He was determined to finish this list before any more interruptions made it impossible. He had to slay his fears, and conquer his doubts to embrace this new future with her. 

He had to make this work, he couldn’t afford to lose himself again.

3rd: He loved the way she interacts with his family. She was a Moir with or without the ring, with or without the name. She had been interwoven so seamlessly into the family dynamic that marriage was just a formality at this point, and he was convinced that his family would choose her over him if he ever fucked things up again. Nieces and nephews had already declared her the favorite aunt. Both of his brothers had threatened to make her a “sister wife” if he didn’t do the right thing and marry her already. His mom jokingly told him they would pursue adopting her if he didn’t get his act together already.

Already… everyone said that to him. As if he didn’t realize that he wasted a decade of his life, and his thirties were gone. He was well aware of the time he lost, and knew what he needed to do. So if he ever wanted to enter his mother’s house again, he needed to knock this doubt and guilt out of his head, and love the person next to him a fraction of how much she desperately, wholeheartedly, and completely loved him. 

4th: He loved that she is organized, and keeps him in check. Scott proved everyone right after the Olympics and floundered. Actually, that’s too generous because Scott fucking crashed and burned after their final skating tour. He assumed he would coach and stay in Montreal, and continue to work with Tessa as often as possible. However, he didn’t have the motivation to hustle for endorsements like Tessa did, and it was (unfortunately) unsurprisingly quick before their worlds were no longer in sync with each other. The incongruence in their schedules meant that their daily lives were no longer a shared commodity between the pair, and Scott fell into a professional and personal hell that took years for him to climb back into the light. He could’ve had a Molson sponsorship with all the pictures of him in bars and nightclubs downing beers and pressing against girls who were years too young for him. Hell, at least he would’ve been making money rather than squandering it on alcohol and women. Closing his eyes tighter, he could almost prevent the tawdry and unflattering pictures that quickly spread across social media from resurfacing to his brain. 

Tessa took most of this in stride, and tried to pull him into a more celebrated and sophisticated world. Tessa had a world without him and it was opening up to greater possibilities than anyone could have imagined… except for him. He always knew what Tessa Virtue was capable of, and he promised himself at 10 years old he would never be an obstacle to their success. He would always encourage and support T… that is until he didn’t. He was always scared of retirement because of what that life would look like without Tess by his side, and pushing him out of his comfort zone. He lashed out verbally and emotionally, until he made it impossible for them to continue. He didn’t blame Tess for threatening to leave him on occasion, he deserved a lifetime of loneliness for the pain he inflicted. 

Eventually, the women and parties weren’t as exciting and they just didn’t dull the pain and loneliness for long. He knew he had to pull his shit together if he was ever to be worthy of Tessa again. He knew it was time to spend the rest of his life righting his wrongs, repenting for his sins even if it was too little too late to mend their broken relationship… Tess deserved all of his efforts.

Scott could feel himself wandering down a labyrinth of memories. Time to focus, and get back on track with his love list… Organization, organization… She was able to help him see the necessity of his schedule. No more flaking on interviews or prospective students. No more missing flights or loan payments. He had to finally get his shit together, because she deserved better than what he had given. She stood by his side as he embraced coaching and his community. She encouraged him, and helped him build his new world order. Scott needed a business partner, but more importantly he needed a true partner in every sense of the word, and she was willing to step into all of those messy roles for him. For all of this, she deserved the best of him.

5th: He loved that she has a dog. A lot of people thought she had to be a cat person… she was too intellectual and too busy to have a dog. But he wasn’t 100% sure that she loved him more than the dog. She wasn’t like most women with tiny designer dogs that would fit into your specially designed dog purse. Nope, she had to rescue a basset hound and name it Gordie (of all names). This was a slobbering, shedding beast of a dog that had free run of the house, yard, and car. Gordie’s bedroom privileges had dampened their love life the same way he imagined a newborn would, but he was actually okay with the lack of sexual intimacy. Snuggling, spooning, and soft kisses were his new comfort food, his new addiction. 

Scott had been covered in dog hair for nearly two years, but those big brown eyes that peered into his goddamn soul, the floppy ears that dragged the ground, made him relish the love and affection of the living bulldozer who was nearly as stubborn as him (and just as difficult to train). It had been years since Scott had a dog in his life. Touring and constant training wasn’t conducive to having attachments, and that included the responsibility of having a pet. Looking over at the slumbering mass on the floor near the side of the bed (always his side), Scott was glad those big brown eyes weren’t searching for his in the dark. He knows this is a crazy thought, but sometimes he avoids eye contact with Gordie for fear the dog would betray the hidden secrets behind Scott’s eyes.

6th: He loved the way she interacts with people. His family, his friends, his students, their fans. She loved them all. She had a smile that brightened the room, and she loved everyone she met. The genuine positive regard she showed to strangers or loved ones was really the trait he first loved… probably because he was the primary recipient and beneficiary. She made friends easily. She was the queen of Pinterest and found various things to make for his (and her!) students (they actually called her mom, and if he heard the whispers correctly, him dad). He still didn’t trust her with poultry, but she could make beautifully intricate sugar cookies that looked like figure skates or the skaters themselves. Unfortunately, her constant experimentation and decorating practice meant he gained 10 pounds last year, but she relished giving to others and he couldn’t deny her such a simple pleasure. He just had to start waking up a little earlier to run those love handles away.

7th: He loved how she embraces Ilderton as her new home. She didn’t just show up to events. She pushed up her sleeves and did anything that was necessary (without waiting to be asked, as his mom liked to remind him). She was in charge of nearly a dozen charities and events back in Ilderton, and could probably win the upcoming mayoral race if she was politically inclined. She knew the names of more people than he did! He couldn’t remember anyone ever being this beloved in his hometown since they were in the Olympics a decade ago… I mean she wasn’t inspiring lawn decorations and ribbons around town these days, but literally everyone wanted her in attendance to the family, church, school, function (and it wasn’t just so he would show up). The whole town of Ilderton adored her, and she loved them in return so effortlessly and completely you’d think she was born here in the small community.

8th: He loved that she started changing her hair. She laughed that it was the most adventure and excitement she could handle these days as each year she moved closer to 40, but he secretly enjoyed how her hair color would unveil different facets of her personality. It was almost as if she was developing a new character with each of the different hues she chose to cover the first signs of grey. Scott’s lips tugged into a smile as he remembered the first time he saw her blonde highlights glittering in the sunlight. She was so self-conscious and kept patting her hair, unsure if he would like it. The smile on her face and sashaying confidence in her walk made the white lie, “Love it. You look like Reece Witherspoon,” worth it. His smile quickly faded as he looked over at the new brunette strands across his pillow, and he looked forward to the next phase. Too many painful memories of their time together in the Olympics with these deep chestnut strands across his arm. It was better when the color was different, lighter… to not harken back to their darker days.

His deep sigh caused her eyes to flutter open, and when he saw her brow furrow over her gorgeous eyes, he immediately regretted that he wasn’t able to clear the stormy expression of resignation and uncertainty from his face as he thought of them so many years ago. Her teeth bit into her lower lip, and her beautiful eyes widened in an attempt to examine his inner psyche and try to pry the insecurities from him. With an unspoken determination, she forced him to make eye contact with her and he felt tears in the corner of his eyes as he held her gaze. Her eyes mirrored his as they glistened with her own unshed tears, and she reached out to gently caress his cheek. The touch of her cool fingers against his skin was all it took to break the dam, and the tears began to fall as he closed his eyes to shield him from her inquisitive gaze. He tightened his hold on her suddenly stiffened body, and gave out a small sob of anguish as he felt her throat swallow beneath his lips.

9th: He loved that her eyes are a crystal clear blue. That way there was no confusion. He was reminded every time he looked into her eyes that, although, he could list a million things he loved about her, there was only one reason he thought he could never, will never, actually be in love with her - she wasn’t Tess. 

 

 

She could feel his restless movements in bed beside her, but she didn’t dare open her eyes. Pretending to sleep, she moved closer into him and nuzzled his neck with a yawn. She had to remind herself to breathe deeply as if she was in a dreamless slow-wave sleep, but she was on high alert waiting for his response. Tonight was the first time he touched her beyond the platonic snuggles of friend-zone in months. She was ashamed to admit she was desperate for the physical contact and the multiple orgasms he produced with minimal effort only a few moments ago. She could feel him smell her hair and brush a light kiss to the top of her head, and she debated asking for more intimacy… something she never did for fear of interrupting her precarious equilibrium with Scott. Unfortunately, she missed her opportunity and he was already shifting away from her. 

A small seed of defeat buried into her stomach. How could she be upset on the night of her engagement?! She was still bewildered and unaccustomed to the weight on her left hand. She wasn’t a flashy person, and rarely wore any form of jewelry and, certainly never rings. She had to force herself not to fiddle with the white gold band or touch the flawless princess cut diamond. Her mind immediately started running a checklist of usual suspects who were most likely to have helped him pick it out or plan the proposal. Alma - it had to be Alma. Cara? No, she was trendier and too flashy to pick something out that she’d actually like. One thing was certain - Scott had help. He wouldn’t have come up with any of this on his own… 

Flashbulb memories of the evening scattered across her mind like a broken film reel. Alma crying - not so much from happiness, but was it apprehensive relief that Scott was moving forward and maintaining his sobriety and health for so long? His brothers - laughing, slapping each other on the back, as they recorded the spectacle with their phones. Was she only imagining Alma’s trepidation mirrored in her son’s faces or were was that genuine excitement? The students - each holding up the appropriate lettering for the sign… such oblivious babies. They knew nothing of their history, only Scott and hers. Joe - standing resolutely to the side with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his absence of a smile should have been the foreshadowing she needed. Was it her imagination or was he trying to communicate with her? Was that an imperceptible shake of his head? She couldn’t avoid his intense stare as she looked over Scott’s shoulder, but she refused to acknowledge his blatant concern at the time.

Both were trying so hard to preserve this futile truce by pretending to sleep that she wasn’t sure how many minutes had passed. Thirty? One hundred? Maybe it was only one agonizing penultimate minute before the war began, dragged out by the inevitable dread of what was to be once she had the courage to open her eyes. 

She felt Scott’s renunciation in the air he sucked into his lungs. She heard the despair as the breath left his body. She immediately understood this physical notice as a termination of his dream and desires… of himself. He would honor his commitment no matter the sacrifice, because that’s what a man like Scott does. She opened her eyes, and was surprised to meet his sullen gaze that confirmed all of her craziest conspiracies and darkest suspicions. He immediately broke eye contact with her, as if her eyes physically burned, and he had to avoid her scorching touch like the mid-afternoon sun. Her eyes ravaged his face, hoping to find a small sign that she was paranoid or tipping toward a psychotic break with no longer a foothold in reality. However, his misery was as clear as the glistening tears in his eyes as they threatened to spill over his still well-defined cheekbones.

Did she touch him first? Did his ferocious, bone crushing squeeze cause her to caress his cheek in a reflexive movement of self-preservation? She doesn’t know. All she knows is that she will never forget the sound, the feel, the fucking stabs of his forlorn sobs that echoed through her chest as they clutched each other as desperately as a life jacket following a catastrophe.

 

 

They were legendary. “We were fucking epic!” Tessa bitterly exclaimed to no one at all. Alone in the apartment they had briefly shared before the end of everything, Tessa had just spent the better half of an hour frantically scrolling social media for clues and any other signs of a fear worst than death… She said yes.

Tessa knew that Scott was involved with her for the past five years, and honestly… she was a blessing. Scott had traveled some dark roads that Tessa was too scared to follow, and foolishly Tessa had abandoned him when he needed his partner most. Was it personal or professional pride that caused Tessa Virtue to walk away? The world was full of rampant speculation. Even Tessa wasn’t fully sure what was the fucking straw that made it impossible to continue with him. Scott was in a one-man shit show six years ago. All Tessa knew was in order for anyone to have any hope at success or happiness it was time to move away from him

“Damnit, Danny!” Tessa was trying to get a look at the ring, and Danny’s camera skills were less than professional. Tessa was squinting towards a small screen that was impossible to decipher the finer details. All Tessa could accurately access from the 1 minute video: Scott was engaged to her. Tessa was able to hear the enthusiastic and triumphant cheers from the skaters that Scott coached as he pulled her into his arms. Tessa was practically able to smell the whooping testosterone of Scott’s brother as the camera shook in his excitement for his baby brother. Tessa’s throat tightened as Alma’s tears came into focus, and Tessa wished Alma was hugging any other girl in the world than her. 

Pouring another glass of wine, Tessa knew there was only one thing left to do. It was time to crawl into the ugly bottomless trove of youtube videos of them. Tonight was the night to mourn her memories of Scott… of them. Tomorrow would be a day for rebirth, and Tessa would rise like a fucking phoenix. But tonight… tonight is for drinking.

Tessa is halfway through a second bottle of rose when the doorbell is able to finally permeate the wine induced stupor. Tessa looks to the window for some indication of the amount of time spent drinking and wandering down online rabbit holes. 

Tessa makes the mistake of peering through the peep hole, and an immediate “Oh, fuck!” escapes as she jumps away from the door. This has to be a drunken mirage or a sleepwalking nightmare. Looking back for confirmation, Tessa realizes that she is definitely outside the door. Maybe if Tessa stands really still… she will leave. 

“Tessa? I heard you. Open the door.” The solid mahogany door muffles her voice, but the exasperation and annoyance is clear. Tessa stands a little taller, shoulders a little straighter, before widely opening the door in a perfunctory sign of welcome.

 

 

She wasn’t really sure what she was doing at Tessa’s Toronto loft before breakfast, but she’s pretty sure she didn’t expect to see Tessa in the middle of a drunken party of one this early in the morning. Tessa was always the picture of control and independence, and this was just causing too much cognitive discomfort and dissonance after the tumultuous night she had. If she had any comfort, Tessa looked even more uncomfortable and miserable than she felt this morning. That comfort was fleeting, because looking at Tessa she knew that Tessa’s melancholy was caused by only one thing.

Tessa’s mascara streaks left the tell-tale dried bed of a river of tears. Rudolph came to her mind as she looked at Tessa’s raw nose, and the dark circles underneath her rival’s eyes rivaled her own. She couldn’t decide who was more deserving of the pity party - Tessa, Scott, or herself. In an effort of self-preservation she decided it had to be her.

“So… um… I take it congratulations are in order. I’m so happy for you, both of you.” Tessa was the first to speak. Rambling in hurried apprehension and a shaking voice, Tessa could not stop blathering insincere well wishes.

She was in the process of walking through Tessa’s living room, trying to avoid Tessa’s pleading gaze. All she could do was give a stilted nod in Tessa’s general direction, acknowledging the artificial congratulations from his former partner. She continued her self-guided tour of Tessa’s formal living space, silently judging Tessa’s stark interior decorating and the suspicious absence of competitive or personal pictures with Scott. Then again… it had been nearly a decade since they were together. Maybe she was overreacting. Maybe she was misinterpreting things. Maybe things were fine, and could continue to be fine for a small eternity. 

She turned to settle into the creamy off-white sofa, and she finally met Tessa’s plaintive gaze. The sigh that left her lips was full of weary uncertainty, and she patted the vacant seat next to her as an invitation for Tessa to sit with her. Tessa was as hesitant and uncoordinated as a newborn fawn, but gently sat next to her. She tried to stare into Tessa’s soul as she did Scott only a few hours earlier, but she was met with a well-practiced media-tested shielded gaze. She decided that she would land the first blow, and braced herself for the repercussions. 

“It should have been you.” 

“I know.” 

Fuck. She didn’t think she heard her at first, but Tessa’s shocked and surprised look confirmed that it wasn’t a hallucination. Tessa’s response was an instantaneous whisper on her breath. She was simultaneously thankful for Tessa’s surprising honesty, enraged at the audacity, and grief stricken for the heartbreak that had fallen on this doomed party of three.

“Can I see your ring?” Tessa’s tears were freely falling now as she placed her hand out for inspection. 

“Is…” Was she sure she wanted to know the actual answer to this question? “Is it…” Yes, she suspected and in her heart she knew, but at this moment she had to know for certain. “Is it yours?” Tessa’s shocked expression gave her a little vindication. “Yeah… I know.” She responded as she continued to hold her hand for Tessa’s evaluation. 

Barely glancing at the stunning ring, Tessa felt a warm sense of consolation, “No.” Tessa answered in a much stronger voice than earlier, buoyed by a resurgence of comfort, assurance, and several glasses of wine.

This was her breaking point. The tears she had stubbornly held back finally found sweet release. She had kept everything together for so long. She returned Scott’s desperate hold, and reassured him that she didn’t regret her choices even as her world was slowly collapsing. She had kissed him, stroked him, and recommitted herself to him before he reluctantly left for his first skating appointment hours before daybreak. He had no idea that she had left seconds behind him to take the first available train to Toronto. A decision she had made the moment his anguished sob split her soul and heart.

She already knew this wasn’t Scott’s grandmother’s ring. This ring was too modern, too sophisticated, and too new… she knew that. She had already imagined Alma helping Scott pick out this ring for her, but it was still fucking torture to have confirmation that she wasn’t worthy of his beloved family heirloom. She would always be a distant, resented silver medal for Scott Moir. 

She already knew that Scott had proposed to Tessa following their mythical competitive career. She already knew that Tessa had rejected the proposals (there were more than one), and eventually she rejected Scott as he fell deeper into his personal and professional abyss. She knew Scott’s oral history as well as she knew her own, but she needed to hear this novel perspective as much as she needed Tessa to share this goddamn bottle of wine.

 

Tessa was laughing. She was laughing. It was the best both had felt in hours, days, weeks, maybe years. Cathartic girl-talk about the boy both loved. Tessa’s stories were like ancient legends and lore of Scott. She might have the more recent updates, but she had nothing on the origin story. 

She had spoken with Tessa over the past two years, but it was always brief and superficial. She shared required pleasantries the few times their paths crossed each year. This was the most intimate conversation the two had ever shared, and it had all the honesty of a therapy session. She felt like she was discovering Scott for the first time, and all that she thought she knew was fabricated “fake news.” She bitterly thought, “We could have been friends.”

The laughter subsided and the two women were lulled into a false sense of camaraderie. She realized that she would have to return soon or raise suspicions, and she was suddenly unsure if she was ready for whatever resolution was hurtling her way.

“Do you still love him?” One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi. She tried to tell herself the longer it took her to answer, the better the odds. She was a rip-the-bandaid-off kind of girl, but she knew that Tessa was much more patient and cerebral. The longer she had to think about her love for Scott, the less she was feeling and the more she was thinking or reminiscing.

“Always.” Damnit, that didn’t take long. Tessa’s voice was so much stronger than when she first arrived. Her gaze was unapologetic, and didn’t back down from her. Anyone else (or maybe only an hour ago), and she would’ve punched the bitch.

“Well… what do we do?” Tessa looked back at her with a perplexed scowl. Damn… did she have to do everything?

 

 

Practice had been exactly what Scott needed. He needed the routine, the structure, the fucking distraction. After nearly fourteen hours on the ice, he could admit that he was scared to leave this morning but even more terrified to stay. He hoped that fourteen hours would have been enough to wipe the memory of her false bravado as he hugged her this morning. She tried to hide her tension, but he was more intimate with female muscular structure than most orthopedic surgeons. He knew. He knew that her mind was on the verge of a nuclear holocaust, and he knew that he had the launch codes.

He wasn’t sure what to expect when he pulled into the driveway of her house (still refusing to acknowledge that it was their home, even though he moved in eighteen months ago). He wouldn’t have been surprised if her car was gone. She didn’t come to the rink for her tutoring session with the kids - which everyone easily assumed was because she was still basking in her recent engagement. He wouldn’t have been surprised to pull up to find all of his belongings in the yard - he definitely deserved it. Hell, he was trying to prepare himself for any outcome.

No car. No lights. No one is home. Scott didn’t even realize he was gripping the steering wheel or holding his breath until he was suddenly lightheaded while parking his truck. Was he relieved or disappointed that she wasn’t here? He couldn’t really decide.

Even though she wasn’t home, he still opened the door with quiet precision to attempt a concealed entry. He was immediately greeted by a desperate Gordie, running past him to claim his overdue freedom. Chuckling at the dog’s urgent urination, Scott was gripped with concern. He suddenly understood that she hadn’t been home for hours.

Gordie nervously paced the driveway, his eyes straining to see her car in the road. Scott had always joked and believed that Gordie preferred him, and she would roll her eyes before agreeing that Gordie was truly his dog. However, he understood how foolish he was as he saw the dog’s disregard for him as Gordie whimpered for her. Scott sat on the lawn, and tried to console Gordie with vocal reassurances she would return home to him. A this point, he wasn’t sure who needed to hear it more.

Reluctantly, both entered the house. Neither were sure where she was or when she would return. Looking within himself, Scott hoped it was soon. He knew he had fucked things up last night, and he hated being off-balance with her. She had been his steady, rock-solid companion for the past five years. He knew that she was his own personal giving tree, who sacrificed herself for his happiness and pleasure. He knew he was a selfish bastard, and he didn’t deserve the single-minded devotion she had bestowed on him while he had been in some of his lowest lows.

He had to find repentance. He had to find a way to make her stay, because he didn’t think he could face himself if she left him too. He should have dialed her number, but he called the only person he always turned to first in a crisis. The person he could always trust to give him honest counsel. 

 

 

Her naive assumption that she could plan an impromptu, same-day trip to Toronto to confront her fiancé’s ex-lover was a bust now that the train was delayed… again. She had been so preoccupied with her conversation with Tessa, she hadn’t even attempted to devise a cover story for Scott. Via Rail was forcing her hand, and she was going to have to tell Scott something… she was going to have to call him with some sort of explanation.

Checking her phone for the time, she knew that he must be coming home soon. Which meant he would realize she had been gone the entire day. Her stomach began to twist into an agonizing knot as she worried what he would think or if he was even concerned. That knot quickly transformed into a savage, stabbing wound of bitter agony as her perspective flipped… what about her? Why hasn’t he called her? Why hasn’t he texted her? She had several of his students scheduled for tutoring and exams today… why hasn’t he acknowledged her absence?

Resentful, she shook her head with a caustic sigh, “He hasn’t even tried to fucking call me. He has to have been home for at least an hour by now, and if not, that means he’s avoiding coming home… he’s avoiding me.” Hot tears were threatening to scald her cheeks for the second time today. She pushed her fingers to her temples, trying to force the tears back behind her eyes. She apologized to Tessa with a groan, ‘Ugh! Look, I’m not normally like this… I don’t know what’s gotten in to me.” Well, actually she knows exactly what her problem is as she thinks back to Scott’s reaction to his engagement.

“I’m sure he’s just busy.” Her mouth opened, incredulous at Tessa’s weak bullshit explanation. “I’m sure he’ll be calling you just as soon as he realizes…” Tessa’s voice faded as even she didn’t believe the falsehoods leaving her lips, and she turned to answer her ringing phone. Eyes widening in shocked disbelief, and the slightest smile of vindication swept across Tessa’s lips as she saw Scott’s picture and name on the phone’s screen.

 

 

He thought his call was going to voicemail the phone rang so many times. When the line finally picked up, Scott couldn’t speak. All he could do was listen to Tessa’s ragged breathing on the other end. He could hear the bustle in the background, and thought Tessa must be at a swanky restaurant with some bullshit, bourgeoisie, fake-ass friends. He finally cleared his throat, “Hello, T.”

A long pause preceded Tessa’s breathless affirmation of his identity, “Scott.” His grip on the phone tightened in surprise at her reaction to his call. He was infuriated with his instant erection and quickened pulse to hearing her voice after all this time. Sure, they had spoken sporadically and civilly over the phone throughout the past six years, but Tessa had never relayed this much emotion or longing for him since their days in Japan following the Olympics. Six years of coolness and detached Tessa, had thwarted Scott’s attempts at frequent communication, and now he was even more uncertain with how to proceed with this person he used to know.

“Tess.” Scott had to swallow back his confessions of his not-so-secret, not-so-unconscious desires, and he forgot the true motivation behind his call until he heard Gordie’s soft whine at the door. He lost track of how long they had sat in silence before he said, “I need your help. I fucked everything up.” 

He wasn’t sure how much of his recent past he was going to unleash on Tessa, but Scott had an overwhelming need to purge all of his emotional conflicts from the past 24 hours. His mind was suddenly no longer on Tessa, it was on her and the hurt he inflicted. He was desperate, and didn’t know how to amend his transgressions. He needed Tessa to coach him, warn him away from the the final straw that would drive her away from him. He opened his mouth to profess his soliloquy of love, regret, and renewal when he was abruptly cutoff. 

 

 

“God willing, I should be home in approximately three hours. Please don’t be there.” Her voice was a flinty facade of fortitude, and she was internally praising herself for being the one to finally take a stand, even though she knew she was the only one who could. Without waiting for a response, she hit the button to end his call, and she silently handed the phone back to Tessa.

It was almost as if she could literally see the inner workings of Tessa’s mind trying to make sense of the most recent turn of events. She started to laugh. All she could do was laugh at this farce of a love story, and Tessa could only stare with confusion, hope, and a hint of horror at the potential scandal that was unfolding in the middle of Toronto’s Union Station. 

There was little time to discuss Scott’s phone call, because it was finally time to board the train that would take her back to his hometown. She stood a little too fast, and had to pause to catch her balance and quiet the rushing blood in her ears. Gathering her items, she gave into a petty temptation and checked her phone one last time before turning it off for the train ride. No messages. No calls. That was all she needed to know.

 

 

Union Station was as good a place as any for Tessa Virtue to sober up despite the ready availability of drinks. Was it Tessa’s idea to travel back to Ilderton to confront Scott or was it hers? Was Tessa hoping to reunite the two kindred spirits, and help Scott appreciate the life he had created with her or was it to selfishly reignite a long dormant spark?

Realistically, Tessa knew the ending to this story and it did not include a white picket fence for the two of them. They had always been too different. They had always wanted different things, and Tessa was able to understand those differences as early as a lovestruck 18 year old. They both knew they were destined for diverging paths before he ever proposed, before he ever strayed from the plan, before he ever self-medicated with alcohol and easy pussy. 

Neither could successfully deny their physical attraction or co-dependent bond for the entirety of their partnership. There had been various dalliances over the 20 years they spent together, but they both agreed their professional partnership was always the most important priority. Tessa knew without that they would never have lasted a year much less sustained the most decorated figure skating partnership in Olympic history. Tessa was able to compartmentalize romantic feelings for Scott for so long, there were eventually too many layers and mazes to decipher to have a healthy relationship. Ironically, the marriage counselors, therapists, and communication specialists only reinforced the lines of demarcation which made a successful romantic life an unattainable dream.

Scott always proposed alone. There were no grand, romantic gestures. There were no accomplices sneaking around the edges and privy to the pomp or circumstance. He was never on his knee. It was always just the two of them, always in a simple mundane moment of domesticated nirvana. It was always a spontaneous, intimate attempt to preserve the moment, to make his love permanent and binding. He proposed in bed. He proposed in the kitchen while Tessa made him poached eggs. He proposed in the back of his truck while they watched a meteor shower outside his parents’ home. He proposed in the shower while he came inside Tessa’s mouth. He proposed at the rink after a frustratingly lackadaisical rehearsal. He proposed after filling Tessa’s car with gas. He proposed after a negative pregnancy test. He proposed while putting away the groceries. His proposals came with as much regularity and consistency as the daily weather, that they began to blend into each other until Tessa couldn’t remember each individual occasion. He carried his grandmother’s ring with him every where, and Scott Moir proposed everyday for months without ever losing his sincerity or showing any signs of slowing down… until one day he didn’t.

One evening, Tessa cuddled into his side and drifted to sleep without realizing he didn’t propose that day. Unaware that she was failing a test she didn’t know she was taking, it was days before Tessa detected the proposals had stopped. Initially, Tessa was unfazed and didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until it was too late, and Scott was riding the well-worn path of self-destruction. “Would I have responded differently if I knew that was the last proposal?” Tessa didn’t have an adequate answer for the rhetorical question. Hell, Tessa couldn’t even remember the details of the last proposal as memories faded and bled together like watercolor, only a jaded sense of fatigue as the question continued to haunt and mock ten years later.

Tessa glanced over at her unlikely travel companion reading a book she had impulsively bought during their delay. Still confused at how she managed to convince Tessa to eschew all responsibilities and upcoming business meetings to travel spontaneously to Ilderton. The slips of information Tessa had heard about her were correct… she loved Scott with absolution and her self-immolation knew no bounds. Tessa was already prepared for an emotional relationship armageddon, and that was before Scott called the wrong woman. 

 

 

The line was disconnected and Scott could only stare at the useless phone in his hand. He quickly pressed the screen to double check the number he called. Tessa… How the fuck was she on the phone? Why the fuck was she on the phone? Where the fuck is she? What the fuck just happened? 

Her words echoed inside his head… she wanted him gone. She would be home in four hours, and she wanted him gone. An ethereal dawning of awareness wrecked Scott’s soul through his confusion - she was with Tessa. She actually went to Toronto to see Tessa. Scott was crying for the second consecutive night as he started to conceptualize how much he had derailed his life in less than 24 hours. 

Placing a small duffel bag on the bed, Scott began to pack clothes for a few nights. He refused to pack anything larger without speaking to her first. He wasn’t going to make it easy for her to throw him out or to walk away after five years together. Then again, he hadn’t made it easy for her to allow him to stay. He had never made it easy for anyone to love him for the past forty years.

Glancing at the bedside clock, Scott calculated he had approximately 3 hours before she returned. Not a lot of time for him to plan an elaborate apology, but maybe enough for him to convince her he was sorry. Mind racing, packing could wait. Once again, he turned to his phone for one more phone call.

 

 

“Dad… I don’t know how I’ve ruined everything, but I’ve fucked it up. I’ve fucked up everything.” His youngest child cried unabashedly through the crackling phone. Joe listened silently, allowing his youngest son to vent all of his anguish until he was nearly panting at the conclusion. Scott tried to remember even the most insignificant details to share with his father, desperate for any insight into his predicament.

“I’m on my way,” Joe was wearily facing the exact outcome he had been nervously anticipating ever since he discovered Scott’s plan to propose two weeks ago. Alma had shrieked with enthusiasm and relief, and his other sons and daughters-in-law were thrilled to finally make her an official Moir. Joe’s reaction had been more reserved and cautious, not because he didn’t love her as if she were her his own daughter - he did. She restored a perfect balance to Scott that had been missing since Tessa left, and he would forever feel indebted to her for the peace of the past five years. However, Joe knew the proposal would unearth the decayed stench, from Scott’s past with Tessa. Joe knew that the status quo would no longer be satisfactory, and Scott would have to deal with their past if he was to move forward with her.

Her cottage was a short distance from the Moir homestead, and Joe was there before Scott’s tears were fully dry. Wordlessly, Joe wrapped his arms around his son’s still muscular frame, and held him as if he were a toddler. Scott tried to stiffen and back away to project some masculine pride, but Joe refused to release his hold until Scott relaxed into his father’s embrace. Finally, Joe clapped Scott’s back three hard times, clasped his shoulder, and stepped away. “Scottie, you have some decisions to make.”

Sitting down on the couch, Joe stretched his legs in front of him and clasped his hands together over his rounded belly. He looked up at Scott with straightforward honesty, “Did you even want to marry her?” He gave a pointed stare as he emphasized her, daring Scott to look inward and not back at him. “Because that goddamn proposal was a fucking travesty, and wasn’t you, Scott. I love your mom, but yesterday had all the trappings of an Alma Moir production.” Joe continued a little louder to shut his son’s protests down, “What decision did you make about yesterday? What thought did you put into it? Did you think if the proposal didn’t have any semblance of you, it wouldn’t be a betrayal of Tessa or maybe it wouldn’t hurt so goddamn much this time if she said no?”

Joe took comfort in Scott’s shocked expression. “Son, you’ve got to do some soul searching here in the next few hours and you’ve got to determine what you really want, who you really want. Now we will support you regardless of your decision, but you’ve come too far to return to old habits.” Joe chuckled and rolled his eyes, ‘Listen to an old married man, you have to be a little selfish sometimes, and you need to put yourself, your wants, your needs first right now. Listen to your heart, listen to your head… just figure it out, once and for all. But for god’s sake, you can’t marry her out of duty. You can’t marry her because you’re scared. I won’t let you do that to her or to yourself.”

 

 

Pulling into the driveway hours after her previously declared deadline, her breath left her body in exasperation but not surprise. His truck was still there. For a moment, she thought about pulling out and being the one to leave, but she couldn’t do that. One, this was her house and she wasn’t about to relinquish her precious cottage. Two, she was so fucking exhausted after spending hours on the train with too many delays. Three, she never left before… she wasn’t sure she knew how. Four (and the most painful to admit), she was curious and overflowing with delusional hope at what would greet her on the other side of the door.

Tessa was safely deposited in London with family, but she suddenly wished her newfound friend was with her. A sudden rush of adrenaline made her ache for a resolution to this fairytale, and she needed Tessa here for the epilogue. Unfortunately, everyone would have to wait until a respectable hour tomorrow for a conclusion.

Clutching the strap of her purse, she cautiously entered her home with methodical precision as if she were entering hostile territory. Darkness surrounded her, but she heard Gordie’s heavily padded feet scramble excitedly towards the door. Guilt flooded her as the dog twisted and contorted at her feet, and he began to bark his greetings to her. She knelt down to hug Gordie, and she just couldn’t stop the tears as she nuzzled his warm fur and soaked in his unconditional, unfiltered love. Maybe this is why she felt such an urgent need to bring him home a few years ago, he gave her the love Scott couldn’t.

Once Gordie was finally quieted, she could hear the faint snoring Scott made when he slept on his back in an uncomfortable position. She saw him sprawled on the couch in the adjacent room. The streetlamp cast harsh shadows across his features, and she thought the contrast of light and dark was a perfect metaphor for the man and his relationships. How could a forty year old man look so fragile and severe? His hair was tousled and she wanted to run her fingers through his thick, slightly greying waves. She wanted his stubbled cheek to prick the palm of her hand, and she wanted to kiss his soft lips with the tenderness of a hummingbird’s wing. However, all of those actions would require a repression of current events, and a snuffing of her freshly discovered self worth. She had lost the acquired taste for swallowing her pride.

There was no elaborate plan she had hatched over the past 24 hours. There were no indignant or contrite speeches to be made. There was only she and him, but she just didn’t have the energy or inclination to walk the ten steps to be by his side any longer. So she chose the fifty steps to her bed instead.

 

 

The fluorescent glare of streetlights gave way to the warm glow of the early morning sun. Scott knew two things before he opened his eyes: she was home and he deeply regretted sleeping on the couch. The tight pain in his upper neck seemed an insufficient atonement for his past, but he would gladly embrace this discomfort for one hundred years if it would help to bridge the crevice he created. Gordie was no longer on the couch with Scott, and that could only mean he abandoned him to curl in his spot upstairs… which meant she was in her spot in the shared bed upstairs.

Scott wasn’t sure what time he finally succumbed to sleep last night, but it was well past her estimated arrival. He gave a soft whistle at the foot of the stairs, hoping he would be able to care for the dog this morning without waking her. After retuning inside, he was still unsure the proper course for the morning. On one hand, he felt he had to do something big, something huge to show his remorse. On the other hand, he was afraid of provoking a skittish retreat away from him. He decided he had to trust his confidant, his gut, and her love for him.

Focused on preparing breakfast in the kitchen, he was too distracted to notice her grab her keys from the counter behind him. The aroma of coffee a little too strong to catch the whiff of her perfume as she strode by the outskirts of the kitchen. His back turned a little too fully to see her lingering gaze on his frame. His singing a little too loud to hear the starting of her car.

 

 

Backing out of the driveway, she kept nervously looking forward to check to see if Scott had opened the door to confront her retreat. Fortunately, he appeared to be in a surprisingly upbeat mood in the kitchen and was oblivious to her departure. A cynical laugh warbled deep in her throat at that thought. She could just leave, ignore the bullshit, forget the drama, and never return. However, turning down the familiar roads of Ilderton filled her with homesick longing for her adopted town. She thought she was finally strong enough to walk away from Scott, but how did she walk away from this community and the Moir family? She’ll just have to tell Scott she gets both in the separation, and her amused laughter filled the car.

It was only about a thirty minute drive to her destination, and fortunately, Tessa was ready when she arrived. The rumors were true, Tessa Virtue hated mornings and was definitely less friendly this morning than last night… then again, she was about to take Tessa to ambush Scott, the former skating partner/lover/best friend/ etc. etc. She could cut Tessa a little slack, and didn’t attempt small talk until they reached the Idlerton limits. 

“I think you should go in first… alone.” 

Tessa looked at her as if she had another head growing out of her spine. “You’re insane! I can’t… I’m not ready!” 

“Tessa, cut the crap!” She was definitely over this cat-and-mouse game. Damn, she can’t believe that she’s been living on eggshells and borrowed dreams for five years to have to push these two idiots together. Softening her tone, her voice still had a firm determination, “If you weren’t ready, you wouldn’t be here. Go.”

Tessa didn’t even realize they had pulled up to her cottage. The cottage she shared with Scott. Scott was on the other side of that door, and he had no idea that Tessa was outside waiting. It was time for Tessa and Scott to face their long delayed, but inevitable climax… it all started with opening the door.

Focused on cleaning the kitchen, Scott was too distracted to notice Gordie scramble from the room. The heavy aroma of crispy bacon was a little too strong and masked the trademark scent from years ago. His back turned a little too fully to see a lingering gaze on his frame. His singing a little too loud to hear Tessa whisper his name. Tessa turned quickly back to the front door frantically thinking, “I might be able to make it back outside and he’ll never know how close I came.” 

She caught Tessa’s eye from the front door, and she shook her head twice. She pointed back to Scott, rolled her eyes and mouthed “GO” as she slowly closed the door behind herself and the dog.

Deep breaths calmed Tessa, and it was time to turn around to the man who once held and promised the world. Tessa coughed softly and said his name louder to pierce through his kitchen karaoke routine. Not sure if he heard his name, Tessa walked closer to him and her voice dropped lower and softer with each pause, “Scott… Scott… Scott…” the last was merely Tessa’s lips mouthing his name. He definitely heard Tessa the first time, his singing had stopped along with all voluntary muscle movement. The rapidly increasing rise and fall of his chest was the only indication that Scott had not turned to stone.

Scott slowly turned to look at Tessa. His eyes were a darkened roux of emotions, ranging from shock, anger, despair, and hopeful. “Tess?” He looked as if he had seen a ghost, and Tessa was angry at herself for abandoning and rejecting him without the courtesy of an explanation so many years ago. They never had a talk, they never had closure, and it wasn’t clear if that was where this was heading or to a brand new beginning. All they had was an abrupt ending of silence, tears, and Tessa always turning away… ashamed of his weaknesses, ashamed of his lack of ambition when he was no longer competing.

“How did you find me?” Scott’s head was about to explode in a million different questions. Even in a bewildered state, Scott knew Tessa had never been to the cottage. Did Tessa see his parents first? Wait, did Tessa spend the night here too? Did she bring Tessa back to Ilderton?  
Tessa’s throat was parched from the stress and lack of sleep. “We took the train in last night. She picked me up from my mom’s this morning. She just dropped me off… uh, I think she took your dog?” Tessa’s reference to her was the first indication that she was no longer upstairs. Scott was torn between unearthing Tessa’s hidden motivations and reasons for standing in her kitchen, and running to find his runaway fiancée. Tessa stepped forward, blocking him against the sink and forcing his decision to stay, reminiscence, and relive their past.

Scott gave a curt nod, and motioned for Tessa to follow him into the living room. He grabbed too glasses of water before making his way to the chair across from the couch. He made sure to keep the coffee table between them, a physical barrier in addition to the safe distance across the room.

“How… why…” His head was swirling in a dazed fog of confusion. “Fuck, Tessa just tell me what happened. Why are you here and she’s gone?” His voice came out more shrill than he intended. 

“She came to see me, and she told me it should’ve been me.” Tessa met Scott’s stunned eyes, and continued, “I told her… I knew, and I wished it were me.” Shocked, overwhelmed, completely flabbergasted, Scott’s mouth fell open as the ramifications of what Tessa said hung in the air.

“We talked for hours… she really is lovely, and I understand why everyone adores her. Why you love her. I really think we would have been friends under different circumstances.” Tessa was rambling now. “I was drinking, and feeling miserable looking through Danny’s video posts when she came to my door. I never dreamed I’d have this chance… this opportunity. I didn’t think I wanted it until I saw that you were engaged. I never would have had hope if I hadn’t seen her ring.” 

The reference to his grandmother’s ring was too much, and the sight of Tessa’s tears were always Scott’s undoing. He was suddenly on the couch shushing, cooing, wiping the moisture from her face with his ever gentle thumbs. One hand moved down to the base of Tessa’s neck, and pulling their foreheads together. His other hand moved up and down Tessa’s arm, until finally interlocking their fingers together. He brought their conjoined hands to his chest, and Tessa could feel his heartbeat strain to synchronize as they did everyday so many year ago. Together they sat weeping, whispering incoherent syllables that only they could understand as forgiveness and peace. 

“I just couldn’t give her your ring.” Scott stammered against Tessa’s neck, hair, and cheek. “I tried. I tried so hard to forget you, and to move beyond us. She deserves so much more… you deserve so much more than me.” 

“Scott, I never stopped loving you. I never stopped wishing happiness for you. I just knew that we wanted different things, and that I never could be this” Tessa stared wild-eyed across the living room, surrounded and repulsed by the provincial domestic scene. “This is not me, Scott… I am not the person you’ve built inside your head. You think I could just easily fit into your world here, and that will never happen.” Tessa closed her eyes to prepare for the kill shot, “And you can never fit into my world. We would make each other miserable… again. We would resent each other… again . I would blame you for missed opportunities and forced expectations… again. You would blame me… again. We can’t… We can’t, not again.”

 

 

Walking Gordie around the neighborhood, she could almost pretend today was any other day. She smiled and waved to the neighbors. She stopped to chat with Mr. Horton about his peonies. If anyone wondered why she was wandering around town without her ring, no one said a word. She debated stopping by to chat with Alma and Joe but she didn’t want to worry them or embroil them in any additional drama. She considered walking to the rink, but that would only rip the scab off her painful memories… that wound was too fresh. Self-conscious and alone, she realized she had no where to go in an effort to avoid him. This entire hamlet was marinating in Scott Moir, and her only reprieve would be to leave.

Unfortunatley, basset hounds are not known for their endurance, and she once again found herself facing the decision to run away or enter her own home. She figured she was braver and stronger than she was even yesterday, which meant she was ready to face whatever path was presented. First, she just had to swallow her nausea and open the goddamn door.

Gordie was the first to enter and break Tessa and Scott away from each other on the couch. She entered a deliberate few seconds after, she knew she couldn’t handle walking into any compromising body positions in her living room. She was giving Scott to Tessa, but she didn’t need her nose rubbed in it!

They were standing shoulder to shoulder, faces splotchy from tears, and their hands were interlocked as if they were preparing for competition. Tessa looked up at Scott with the same adoration she did when she was a crush-stricken 16 year old. Scott’s eyes softened back to Tessa, and he squeezed their hands tightly before releasing. Tessa took the first steps toward her, and grabbed her into a tight hug. “Thank you,” Tessa whispered in her ear before walking out the front door. 

She looked back at Scott, and she could barely recognize the tranquility on his face. His features were relaxed, his eyes softer, and his shoulders didn’t have perpetual tightness. The spell of regret and misery were finally broken with Tessa back in his life. The dull lump of uncertainty and jealousy towards Tessa erupted inside of her, and she couldn’t have stopped the tears if she tried. Wiping futilely at her cheeks, at least she knew. She nodded towards Scott and turned to walk upstairs. She made it to her room, and went to her closet to grab a bag for clothes. She couldn’t stay here in this house, in this town, in this fraudulent life. 

Backing out of her closet, she turned to find Scott standing in the doorframe. His earlier tranquility replaced by perplexity. He lifted an eyebrow, “Going somewhere?” His hands were in his pockets, and he took a few bold steps towards her blocking any escape she could have made.

Years of resentment, hours of agony were boiling beneath the surface and she just couldn’t do this again. She was admitting defeat, and forfeiting this game to find a safe haven to lick her wounds and rebuild. “I can’t… I can’t stay here Scott. I can’t stay in this house. I can’t stay in this town. Oh my god, I’m going to have to move to America.” 

Scott smiled, and she realized she had only seen a handful of these genuine smiles that reached beyond his lips and into the depths of his eyes. “I don’t think it’s necessary to move all the way to America, eh?” He closed the distance between them, reached out his arms to pull her into his chest. “But… I agree about not staying here.” She nodded into his chest, inhaling his scent for possibly the last time. “I think we should find some place bigger… some place that is both of us… some place we find together.” 

This isn’t how this is supposed to end, she thinks. He was lifting her head, and gently moving the hair away from her face. He kissed her forehead, and his arms tightened across her waist. “No.. but… you and Tessa… you…” She couldn’t finish her thought as Scott smiled and shook his head no.

Scott took a breath to help reinforce the honesty he was about to speak. No more convenient half-truths, no more concealed emotions. “I will always love Tessa. Tessa is part of my DNA, my foundation as a person, and its like I’ve had a phantom limb for the past six years… like I could still feel her as part of me, and I was angry for that loss. You helped heal me… you brought her here for me, and we realized that that portion of our story is over. It is time for new chapters, new beginnings, and we can finally move on not without each other in our lives… but with each other. We will always be each other’s biggest fans and champions.” 

Stepping away from her, his hand found hers and shuffled her towards the dresser. Two velvet jewelry boxes sat on the polished, cluttered top. He opened the first - the ring he gave her in front of his family and students. “It wasn’t fair to give you this ring. Hell, I didn’t even pick this ring… my mom did.” There was a trace of sheepishness in his voice, but he was determined to confess all. “I’m not even sure why I proposed when I did, maybe on some unconscious level I knew I needed things to change. I asked my mom for advice, and I knew she would sort of take over. I was on autopilot, and you were ambushed with a proposal that was so not me… so not us.” He closed the box, “So… this is not your ring.”

He opened the second box, his grandmother’s ring was a timeless and intricate art deco design with a much smaller, but beloved diamond in the center. “This ring… was reserved for Tessa when I was 20 years old. I couldn’t give you this ring because it was a ring that was stained by everything wrong with me and Tessa. I couldn’t look at this ring without feeling burned by her rejection and reminded of all my failings. This ring was like a tumor that mocked me… I tried to make myself feel better thinking you wouldn’t want a second-hand ring.” Holding her hands and looking into her eyes, “This ring isn’t Tessa’s anymore. I don’t expect you to wear it today… Look, I know I have work to do, but maybe one day you’ll feel the way I do today… I’m going to leave this ring right here on this dresser, and this ring is yours whenever you’re ready. You have an open invitation to this ring, a marriage, a life together… I’m all in. I’m ready, and I’ll wait until my dying day until you feel I’m worthy to have you as my partner.” He didn’t wait for a response. He lightly kissed her lips and whispered I love you across her mouth.

 

They eventually have to pack his grandmother’s ring away as they prepare to move, and not just out of the house but away from Ilderton. Together they decided on Montreal. Scott’s coaching was too superior to remain at the Ilderton rink, and he was finally ready to accept the longstanding opportunity that had been permanently on hold at Gadbois. She had fallen in love with Montreal the moment she stepped out of the car, and she eagerly practiced her French at every opportunity.

The movers were not as eager as they were to deliver their furniture, and they spent nearly a week on a hastily purchased inflatable mattress. They ate pizza straight from the box on the floor of the empty kitchen, and were thankful she had insisted they brought a couple of outfits separately. Finally, moving day was upon them and they argued over the placement of furniture pieces as every couple who is trying to merge two worlds together. She is busy unpacking clothes into the dresser when Scott silently pulls the box from his duffel bag. She knows what it is, and he doesn’t say a word as he places it on the top of the dresser in the same spot as if it were the final missing piece of an elaborate puzzle. He kissed the top of her head, and moved on to finish unpacking another room. No words were necessary.

 

She spent her fortieth birthday in labor. She was grateful for the birth of the twins (thanks, Alma!) because it distracted everyone from her monumental birthday and everyone was focused on babies and names. Identical boys with dark hair like their father, and she was certain they would have his nose. She didn’t tell anyone that she hoped their eyes would remain blue like hers, and she was relieved they were healthy and thriving despite being nearly four weeks premature. 

She spent her forty-first birthday in labor again… with another set of twins (thanks, “geriatric” pregnancy!). She endured the months of jokes about making up for lost time and what were they trying to prove, but it was a small price to pay for this unbearable happiness. This second pair were fraternal, and they were greeted with a third son already sporting a full head of dark brown hair. Nearly an hour later, in already dramatic fashion, their daughter made her appearance. They had chosen not to know the gender beforehand, and they both cried with joy when they announced “It’s a girl!”

Sitting in recovery surrounded by the Moir clan, she was basking in a postpartum oxytocin bliss. Attempting to nurse her new son, she was laughing as Scott was changing his daughter’s diaper after a successful feeding on the first attempt, when Tessa knocked and tentatively entered the room. Hugs, kisses, loud voices, and bodies filled the small space. Alma motioned for everyone to leave, and she winked as Alma closed the door behind her, blowing kisses over her shoulder.

“She’s so tiny and beautiful! Perfection.” Tessa declared, looking over Scott’s shoulder. Happy tears were in her eyes as Tessa unconsciously placed a hand over the swollen belly peeking through the designer coat. Tessa was due for a girl in only a few weeks. They had joked they may share a delivery room, but (as usual with twins) she went into labor a couple of weeks early. “Can I hold her?” Tessa was gingerly sitting down as only an eight month pregnant woman can in the uncomfortable hospital chair beside her bed. 

Scott placed the little girl in Tessa’s eager arms, and sat next to her on the inclined bed draping his arm behind her. All three had happy tears in their eyes as they looked back from each other. Tessa gently caressed the tiny infant, and smelled in the intoxicating smell of the newborn. “Babies smell so delicious.”

“Don’t eat my baby, T.” Scott laughed… “Who says babies smell delicious?!” 

Tessa ignored Scott and cooed to the sleeping baby, “Your daddy is a moron… and an asshole, but I love you anyway.” 

After laughing at Scott and Tessa’s banter, she cleared her throat and elbowed Scott’s side. She shifted her head towards Tessa and her eyes implored him to say something. 

“So… Tess… if you’re okay with it, we’d like to ask your permission… we’d like to name her Jane.” The happy tears could no longer be contained, and Scott heard Tessa laugh and cry for the first time since they won gold at the Olympics. All Tessa could do was nod in approval and tighten the hold on Jane. “One more thing… we’d like you to be her godmother.” 

“Of course… I’d like to see you try and stop me…” Tessa couldn’t imagine anything being better than this moment until it was time to deliver in a few short weeks.

Settling back at home, life with four babies was never quiet. It was a blur of diapers, feedings, and so many clothes. She was sitting back on the bed nursing Jane, while Scott slept next to her. They were separated by the tiny bodies of their two toddlers snuggled into their father’s side. Looking across her family, the long forgotten box caught her eye. It had spent years in the same spot on the dresser. She just never felt the need to put the ring on her finger, and he never felt the need to remove it. A wedding just didn’t seem necessary for them to move forward with their lives. Once Jane was finished and sleeping next to her brother in the bassinet in the corner of their bedroom, she moved over to the dresser and picked up the ring. She gently pried it from the velvet constraints and placed it on her finger. It wasn’t necessary, but it was a long time coming.

 

 

Or maybe…

She has never enjoyed mornings, and this day was no exception. The first indications of dawn were starting to lighten the periphery of the window curtains, and the alarm would be blasting “Good Morning” from Singing in the Rain any minute. The cool morning air made her instinctively snuggle deeper into the quilted comforter, and closer to the warm body asleep on top of the covers. That proved to be a costly mistake, as she was suddenly bathed by the drooling tongue of an overly eager basset hound. It seemed Gordie’s bladder could barely make it through the night these days, and she was usually outside with him well before dawn.

As much as she would have enjoyed lingering in her frequently occurring dream, she knew time was her enemy right now. She only had a few minutes before a catastrophic urine situation struck. Kissing his head, she grabbed her coat and slipped into her boots to prepare for the cold air outside. She should be accustomed to activity at this hour after five years of early morning wakeup calls. Scott was always the first person to unlock the rink, and liked to skate before his students arrived for their 6:00 am sessions. Less than a year had passed, but those days seemed a lifetime ago and Ilderton was a foreign place after spending the past seven months in Brooklyn.

Waiting for Gordie to finish his business in the tiny dog park near her apartment, her mind wandered to the festivities planned for later today. Scott and Tessa’s wedding day was practically a national holiday back home, and it was being televised as if it were a royal wedding… which she guesses it kind of is. To be fair, they did not agree to broadcast their wedding, but the paparazzi were staked out and sending out blurry videos and photos for days prior. They granted exclusive rights to their favorite morning show, and as a personal guest, Ellen would be showing “behind-the-scenes” personal videos and photos over the next week on her show. Bombarded by television, radio, magazines, and social media at every turn, she figured out pretty quickly that the country just wasn’t large enough for her and the upcoming nuptials of Canada’s sweethearts. Fortunately, she was able to sell her cottage almost instantly and she no longer had any roots to Ilderton, Ontario, or Canada for that matter. All she had to do was pack up, retrieve Gordie from Scott, and she was free. 

She contemplated watching leaks from the wedding online… she knew Chiddy and Scott’s brothers were going to drive Tessa insane with their selfies and tags. Her breath caught in her chest as she thought of Alma and Joe. The loss of her almost in-laws was probably the most bitter and painful pill of this entire situation. Her father was out of her life from an early age, which meant Joe was the closest she had ever come to a paternal figure. Her mother had passed the year before she met Scott after a heartbreaking, slow battle with cancer. The first time she attended a Moir family dinner and met his parents, Alma clucked her tongue and hugged her with a maternal ferocity she hadn’t felt in so long… she was instantly smitten.

Her inner sadist got the best of her, and she couldn’t help but troll their friends’ Instagram and Twitter accounts. Ever so slowly, she was able to see candid moments of the happiest day of their lives. And she was happy for them… she really was, even as she remembered the day she walked away.

 

Gordie was the first to enter and break Tessa and Scott away from each other on the couch. She entered a deliberate few seconds after, she knew she couldn’t handle walking into any compromising body positions in her living room. She was giving Scott to Tessa, but she didn’t need her nose rubbed in it.

They were standing shoulder to shoulder, faces splotchy from tears and kissing. Their hands were interlocked as if they were preparing for competition. Tessa looked up at Scott with the same adoration when they first started skating or as a crush-stricken 16 year old. Scott’s eyes softened back to Tessa, and he squeezed their hands tightly before releasing. Tessa took the first steps toward her, and grabbed her into a tight hug. “Thank you,” Tessa whispered in her ear.

Her throat was closing shut, and she couldn’t cry in front of them. She knew this was the inevitable conclusion… she would just be an anonymous footnote in their history. She reached down to inspect the ring on Tessa’s left hand. The ring she had never even seen. The ring that was never meant to be hers. Her lips quivered, but all she could muster was a nod of approval.

She looked back at Scott, and he looked years younger. She could barely recognize the tranquility on his face. His features were relaxed, his eyes softer, and his shoulders didn’t have the perpetual tightness she had never realized constrained him for the past five years with her. The spell of regret and misery were finally broken with Tessa back in his life. The dull lump of uncertainty and jealousy towards Tessa erupted inside of her, and she couldn’t have stopped the tears if she tried. Wiping futilely at her cheeks, at least she knew. She nodded towards Scott and turned to walk upstairs. She made it to her room, and went to her closet to grab a bag for clothes. She couldn’t stay here in this house, in this town, in this fraudulent life. 

Neither made an attempt at stopping her, and they were both waiting for her when she returned downstairs a few moments later with an overnight bag. “I need to go… I don’t know where, but I can’t be here.” Scott started to insist he would leave, but she raised her arm, “I’ll be in touch… but I can’t right now. Look… on some deep, molecular level I am happy for you, both of you.” Her voice was shaking through quivering lips, and she wasn’t just being nice… she truly meant it. Who could stand in the way of Canada’s sweethearts? Everyone knew the ending to this tale except for her. She nodded to both of them, and turned to leave. It wasn’t until she was miles outside of Ilderton she thought, “Damn… he got my fucking dog, too.”

Swallowing any traces of regret, she could honestly say she made the right decision. She never knew how brave and strong she was until she made that first step out the door to fetch a girl from Toronto. She and Scott had been treading water without any progression, and her entire life would have withered away by his side. But now? Now she embraced the unknown and the adventure of spontaneity. She was open to all of life’s disappointments and gifts. This was never the life she envisioned, but she wouldn’t trade places with her former self… not even for Alma and Joe… not even if her dreams tried to convince her she was full of shit.

 

Tessa spent her fortieth birthday in labor. She would only admit it to Scott, but she was grateful for the birth of the twins (thanks, Alma!) because it distracted everyone from her monumental birthday and everyone was focused on babies and names. Identical boys with dark hair like their father, and she was certain they would have his nose. She didn’t tell anyone, but she secretly hoped they had green eyes like her. Honestly, she didn’t really care because she was so thankful they were thriving after a complicated pregnancy and a premature birth.

She spent her forty-first birthday in labor again… with another set of twins (thanks, “geriatric” pregnancy!). She endured the months of jokes about making up for lost time and what were they trying to prove, but it was a small price to pay for this unbearable happiness. This second pair were fraternal, and they were greeted with a third son already sporting a full head of dark brown hair. Nearly an hour later, in already dramatic fashion, their daughter made her appearance. They had chosen not to know the gender beforehand, and they both cried with joy when they announced “It’s a girl!”

Sitting in recovery surrounded by the Moir clan, she was basking in a postpartum oxytocin bliss. Attempting to nurse her new son, she was laughing as Scott was changing his daughter’s diaper after a successful feeding on the first attempt. There was a knock at the door, and Jordan ran into the room having come straight from the airport. Hugs, kisses, loud voices, and bodies filled the small space. Alma motioned for everyone to leave, and she winked as Alma closed the door, blowing kisses to everyone.

“She’s so tiny and beautiful! Perfection.” Jordan declared, looking over Scott’s shoulder. “Can I hold her?”

Scott placed the little girl in Jordan’s eager arms, and sat next to her on the inclined bed draping his arm behind her. All three had happy tears in their eyes as they looked back from each other. Jordan gently caressed the tiny infant, and smelled in the intoxicating smell of the newborn. “Babies smell so delicious.”

“Don’t eat my baby, JV.” Scott laughed… “And who says babies smell delicious?! You’ve obviously never changed a diaper.” 

Jordan ignored Scott and cooed to the sleeping baby, “Your daddy is a moron… and an asshole, but I love you anyway.” 

Scott gingerly sat down next to Tessa on the inclined hospital bed, and he watched with awe and tender love as his newborn son suckled at her breast. He draped his arm along her back, and he couldn’t imagine his life being any more perfect or complete at this moment.

“You know Jordan is a pretty awesome name… just saying.” Grinning as she looked down at her newest niece, “Have you decided on a name?”

Scott and Tessa looked at each other, and it felt that they had stopped breathing at the exact same time. Hearts pounding, Tessa nodded at Scott, giving him permission to reveal the name they had agreed to without any hesitation or resistance. “Emily.”

Jordan’s head shot up in surprise, and her mouth dropped in concern, “Are you sure? Isn’t that…”

Tessa smiled, and Scott kissed the top of his wife’s head. “We wouldn’t be here or have this life together if it wasn’t for her. It wasn’t even up for debate.” Tessa laughed softly, “It was actually the first name we decided the first time around… I was beginning to think we were going to have to give it to one of the boys.”

He knew that Emily would never realize the gratitude they both felt for her sacrifice. She would never know the way they honor her every time they call their daughter’s name. She would live in the chronicle of family legends as they told their daughter of her namesake every year on her birthday. He once thought he could never love Emily, but looking at the newest additions to his family and holding Tessa’s hand, he realized she was responsible for every new glorious moment of purpose and happiness in his life… and he finally understood he could never not love her.


End file.
